Are You Emotionally Slutty?

We all know one don’t we?  The slut.  The friend who is never home on a Friday night and has a smile on her face all week.  Generally speaking, a slut is a woman who gives her body indiscriminately to whoever strikes her fancy or scratches her itch.  A woman who acts like a man, but we give her a dirty title so she feels like a lesser person for it (that is a subject for another blog).   Anyway…

 
What about emotional sluts?  How are we emotionally slutty in new relationships?  What does it even MEAN to be an emotional slut? 

Emotional sluts tend to give too much information too soon.   Discussing issues from past relationships before establishing a new one.  It's about giving away your heart and exposing your vulnerabilities before it’s appropriate.  Let’s face it:  Raping his ear for hours before he even has a chance to determine if he likes you or not.  Sound familiar? 

First dates are not the time to talk about how many times you’ve broken up and how every guy you’ve ever dated told you how crazy you are (you may want to see a shrink about that by the way).   It’s not the time to discuss how you have trust issues or how men who chew with their mouths open remind you of your father, who, by the way, was kind of an asshole when you were growing up.   (That’s really more of a twelfth date subject.)  It’s also not the time to bitch about your ex and discuss every single flaw he had or asshole behavior he demonstrated to you, while projecting all those bad feelings on the innocent (yet slightly terrified) man sitting across from you at the dinner table.



What do you think is going through this guy’s head as he is attempting to appear as though he is listening to your rambling train of thought (which has long-since de-railed)?  He’s trying to figure out how he can possibly manage to discreetly decline the dessert menu and get out of this without exchanging phone numbers, yet still have sex with you.  He’s mentally shopping for duct tape and ear plugs.  Yes, he is even contemplating ditching you in exchange for a quiet masturbation session at home.  What would YOU do in his situation?

Now, I’m pretty much perfect as you all know, but I can say I have found myself doing this, ON OCCASION.  Maybe not on a first date...  First dates are for re-directing the conversation to him so I can avoid talking about myself.  I try not to sabotage things until at least date three.  I mean, a bitch has to eat, right?  But, seriously, by the third date I am trying to figure out what the guy’s angle is.  We’ve had a few meals together, maybe we’ve had a little fun on the side.  What more is there?  I’m not LOOKING for a relationship.  Hmph.

So, what happens next?  We deploy Operation: Emotional Slut.  (Lock and load, bitches).  This is not usually a conscious effort on our part.  This comes from actually having been in shit relationships that probably caused a hell of a lot of damage and issues that, quite frankly, most men wouldn’t touch with another man’s borrowed pole.  But subconsciously, I am pretty sure we are trying to sabotage the these new opportunities in order to spare ourselves from that dreaded “F” word:  Feelings.  *shudder*  

If you think about it, isn’t this the same reason some girls are sexual sluts?   It’s so easy to be slutty with someone, but the other stuff, the relationship stuff, is hard.  It takes work.  And I don’t know about you, but I am pretty fucking tired.  So, if we hammer them with unwanted information, they will run like hell and we can justify our insecurities by telling ourselves “See?  He didn’t like me either.  Forever alone.”   And we “don’t know why.”  You do now.  You were an emotional slut.  You sabotaged it yourself because you are insecure.

Try opening your ears and closing your lips for a minute.  Wait to hear what he has to say before you railroad him with all your baggage.   Learn how to accept a compliment.   Maybe, just MAYBE he’s not an asshole who is waiting to hurt you and run like hell.

Maybe he…likes you. 

What Men Really Want

I know it is unusual for a woman to sit back and think about what men want in a relationship because, well, we usually assume it includes sex, sex, sandwiches, football and sex.  But, in observing my own relationships as well as those around me, I picked up on some very interesting tidbits.  Here is what I think men want in a relationship (Men, feel free to correct me on these..):


Men want women to treat them with respect and appreciation. I think most men need to hear more about what they are doing right than what they are doing wrong. Ego plays into this heavily. But women also need to realize that men need us to tell them how we feel and how much we appreciate them. So don't be afraid to let him know just how much you love the things about him. Throw your arms around him when get gets home at the end of the day. Make him feel like a million dollars.

Men want more straight-forward relationship. Men crave a relationship free of manipulation. I think men get frustrated with the games women play sometimes. They wish we knew they cannot read our minds. Frankly, I think men wish we came with a user manual. Although, admittedly, I think a lot of women wish men could read our minds. Actually, we usually wish we knew half the crap that is spinning up there ourselves. Our brains are too complex. Ouch, my head hurts.

Men like to be with self-confident and secure women. I think that no matter what opinions we women have of ourselves, men crave being with a woman who is self-confident. I personally believe that a man would choose an average looking woman with terrific self-esteem over a knock-out beauty with numerous insecurities.

Men like it when we nurture them. I know this is politically incorrect, but men like it when we cater to them. And, personally, if I am in a relationship where there is mutual respect, I enjoy nurturing my man.

Blowjobs. A lot of them. This is self-explanatory. I put it in the middle of the list on purpose – although I'm sure a lot of men would've put this one at or near the very top! Nothing says "I love you" quite like a good old-fashioned mouth hug, amirite?  Forget the hallmark card girls – this one works every time.

Sex with the lights on. This goes back to the security and confidence issue ladies. No matter how curvy or thin we are, large breasted or flat, big ass or small ass, we all have insecurities. However, men are visual creatures. They want to drink us in. So we should drop our insecurities (along with our panties) and go for it.

Men want us to get along with their friends and family. Men want woman who can joke with his dad, talk to his mom, and hang out with his friends from time to time. A man wants a woman who can get along with all the people in his life. If you can meet him after work with a group of his friends and he knows they aren't going to moan and make whip-cracking noises when you arrive, you're in.

Men want a woman who doesn't nag. And trust me guys – women hate it when we realize we sound like we're nagging. This goes to the communication issue. Sometimes we women need to take a look at how we communicate with you guys – and sometimes you guys could stand to be a teensy weensy bit better at listening………..just sayin'. [Or was I nagging………..dammit!]

Men want a woman with intelligence, creativity, and ambition. Men want a woman they can discuss things with on deep meaningful levels. The deer in headlights look when discussing current events can be a turn off.

(Obama who?)

Men want a woman who challenges them. By this I mean, men want a woman who will keep him on his toes. I think most men get relaxed in the relationship when they feel it is secure. Don't put the relationship in neutral. Keep it fun and interesting.

Men want a woman with a sense of humor. If a woman can laugh at herself from time to time, the relationship is in good shape. Sometimes we tend to take ourselves too seriously. Loosen up ladies!

Men want a woman who is trustworthy. Faithfulness and commitment are essential to any relationship. Men are less likely to be able to forgive infidelity than women, so they are seeking someone they can trust.

Men want a woman who takes pride in her appearance. This may sound shallow to some and relationships aren't solely based on looks, but men do want to be with someone who takes pride in her appearance. That being said, guys, please don't complain when we pay to have our hair done, our nails done, and to go get nice-fitting clothing. Deal?

Quickies. Men want quickies. Yes, women take longer to get warmed up than men do. But sometimes, men want the sex without the hour long foreplay. And with the right person this can be amazing, right ladies? So every now and then, let him dirty talk you and bend you over the kitchen sink.

Men want women who will say "I love you". A lot. Yes, they need to hear it too ladies.   I think they are all a bunch of big softies on the inside. 

(Don't tell them I told you that.)