Saturday, February 2, 2013

Can Moms Be Sexy?

I was pondering this question after I fell off the scale at the doctor's office.  Okay, that probably requires an explaination:  I stepped on the scale, saw a number I had never seen before, nearly fainted, and the nurse had to catch me.  (PS:  If I go to the doctor's office for a sinus infection, DON'T make me step on the scale.  I already feel like crap thankyouverymuch.  Giving me cardiac arrest is not cool.)


I then re-examined my need to get my ever-expanding ass back to the gym.


I have always been a little bit vain.  I have always wanted to look nice, both for myself and for my partner.  It feels good when I look good.  Right now, I don't look my best you guys. 


Not only do I want to firm up and lose some weight, but I also miss that terrific feeling I get after a good workout.  Even though the results don't come as quickly as they used to, the endorphin rush, the muscle tone, and the sense of a job well done always felt pretty damn good.  It was a GREAT stress reliever.


Yep!  I did Power Step!

Last time I made a full-on commited effort to get my ass back in shape, I did it with a vengeance.  The weight wasn't really dropping (in large part due to a not-as-of-that-time-diagnosed medical-type issue), but my BODY felt good.  I remember distinctly, after my first full month going to the gym four times a week, I was kind of strutting around in front of the full length mirror, ignoring the flaws, checking out the muscle I found in my thigh – oh yeah, they're on their way back baby! Then I started shaking my booty. It didn't shake as much as it did last month. Then of course, I had to flex my arms a bit. Nice biceps (I say to myself). Keep up the good work!

Then I pulled a muscle patting myself on the back (dammit).


It made me think that I can be a mother AND be hot and sexy again.  Is that vain?  Am I allowed to want to be as pretty as I can?   I haven't been taking the best care of myself this last few years. Time to change all that. There is hope for me yet. Motherhood is job number one - but can we be great mothers and still take pride in our appearance?



With everything mothers have going on in our day to day lives, it's so easy to put our looks and health at the bottom of the list. I have always tried to stay in shape, but I have to tell you that being a single mom, working a full time job, transporting kids to their various instrument lessons and concerts and ballet (don't forget ballet!), and also keeping up with the house work it's not easy!  I am tired all the time and I rely far too often on convenience meals.  I don't make time to work out.  Or sleep.  Hobby?  What's a hobby? 


I really think we Muthas tend to put ourselves last.  I don't think we even mind or give it a second thought for the most part.  It just is the way it is.  And then we wake up one day and wonder what the HELL happened.


Sometimes, this causes relationship issues. One partner (we will say "Mom" for the sake of this blog) quits taking care of herself because everything else comes first. She isn't getting help from her mate because he figures he put in 9 solid hours or so at the office so he's done his part. Time to sit back, enjoy the hot meal before him, and then go take a snooze in front of the tube, while she cleans up the kitchen, washes dishes, gets the toddler out of the dishwasher, bathes the children, pulls the toddler out of the toilet…….the list goes on.  


By the time the work/transporting/chores are done, she is exhausted.  He's refreshed after his dinner and his nice little nap on the couch and when they finally do get to bed the only action he is seeing is a punch to the nuts when he tries to touch her. 


Men are visually oriented. He sees her in sweat pants and a hair bun and no make up one day too many and he's lost the attraction. Women are action-oriented. Show us something and we will show YOU something (IF you know what I mean). Don't be afraid of things like dish soap and diapers. If the only action you are showing us is your napping ability, the only action you will be getting is the do-it-yourself kind.  We really WILL be too tired to be enthusiastic about your penis.  (Hehe - I said "penis")


The formula is really quite simple:

Tired, overworked and ignored moms and wives = NO SEX

Happy, relaxed and loved moms and wives = HOT SEX.


Now, ladies.... I am NOT suggesting you "use" sex to get what you want.  That's not cool and if you withhold sex as a form of behavior modification, that's totally wrong.  I mean, I hear it works REALLY, REALLY well, but still... Let him know he's not doing enough.  Ask for what you want.  With your words, not your locked vagina.  (But, you know, save the really dirty stuff for when he washes the pans.) 


Guys - when she makes an effort - acknowledge it.  When in doubt - ACKNOWLEDGE IT.  "Your hair looks really great with yogurt in it." goes over much better than "You haven't shaved since the Clinton administration, have you?"


If I could, I would get manicures, pedicures, massages and facials (hehe, I said "facials") a few times a month; Just to feel pampered and good about myself. That's just not possible on this budget, but someday, when my first book is published, I will pamper myself - A LOT. Until then, I will make do with what I have. I'll get my ass back to the gym, put on my make up everyday, and drink my 8 glasses of water a day.  


I DO get my nails done every few weeks and I am okay with that.  I quit smoking two years ago and I would much rather spend a little bit of money on something that makes me feel pretty rather than a lot of money on something that is going to kill me.  


It makes me feel great.  And everyone should have the opportunity to feel great, don't you think?

(This is the re-working of a blog I originally published in 2007, when I was married, the youngest was a toddler, and I really needed to feel like it was okay to want to be sexy. It has been updated/edited to fit my current situation.)


  1. As always a great writing and oh boy do I remember feeling so unappreciated when I was married, taking care of the kids, dinner, laundry, and lets not forget the rest of the house. Oh and working a 40+ hours a week job. Oh yes I could have put a baseball bat through my ex's skull back then!!!

  2. Thankfully, my husband is great at helping out when he can. He works 14 hour days, so I can't complain too much. I do wish I had more time [without the kids] to workout and have spa days and the such. I don't see that in my near (or far) future. No sexiness for me.

    1. I think it is GREAT that your husband helps out so much. You are very lucky and seem to appreciate him as much as he (obviously) appreciates you. More relationships should be like that.

      Thanks for reading!