Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Are You Emotionally Slutty?

Amazing young beauty with handsome man in bedroom Stock Photo - 9336200

We all know one don’t we?  The slut.  The friend who is never home on a Friday night and has a smile on her face all week.  Generally speaking, a slut is a woman who gives her body indiscriminately to whoever strikes her fancy or scratches her itch.  A woman who acts like a man, but we give her a dirty title so she feels like a lesser person for it (that is a subject for another blog).   Anyway…
What about emotional sluts?  How are we emotionally slutty in new relationships?  What does it even MEAN to be an emotional slut? 

Emotional sluts tend to give too much information too soon.   Discussing issues from past relationships before establishing a new one.  It's about giving away your heart and exposing your vulnerabilities before it’s appropriate.  Let’s face it:  Raping his ear for hours before he even has a chance to determine if he likes you or not.  Sound familiar? 
First dates are not the time to talk about how many times you’ve broken up and how every guy you’ve ever dated told you how crazy you are (you may want to see a shrink about that by the way).   It’s not the time to discuss how you have trust issues or how men who chew with their mouths open remind you of your father, who, by the way, was kind of an asshole when you were growing up.   (That’s really more of a twelfth date subject.)  It’s also not the time to bitch about your ex and discuss every single flaw he had or asshole behavior he demonstrated to you, while projecting all those bad feelings on the innocent (yet slightly terrified) man sitting across from you at the dinner table.

What do you think is going through this guy’s head as he is attempting to appear as though he is listening to your rambling train of thought (which has long-since de-railed)?  He’s trying to figure out how he can possibly manage to discreetly decline the dessert menu and get out of this without exchanging phone numbers, yet still have sex with you.  He’s mentally shopping for duct tape and ear plugs.  Yes, he is even contemplating ditching you in exchange for a quiet masturbation session at home.  What would YOU do in his situation?

Now, I’m pretty much perfect as you all know, but I can say I have found myself doing this, ON OCCASION.  Maybe not on a first date...  First dates are for re-directing the conversation to him so I can avoid talking about myself.  I try not to sabotage things until at least date three.  I mean, a bitch has to eat, right?  But, seriously, by the third date I am trying to figure out what the guy’s angle is.  We’ve had a few meals together, maybe we’ve had a little fun on the side.  What more is there?  I’m not LOOKING for a relationship.  Hmph.

So, what happens next?  We deploy Operation: Emotional Slut.  (Lock and load, bitches).  This is not usually a conscious effort on our part.  This comes from actually having been in shit relationships that probably caused a hell of a lot of damage and issues that, quite frankly, most men wouldn’t touch with another man’s borrowed pole.  But subconsciously, I am pretty sure we are trying to sabotage the these new opportunities in order to spare ourselves from that dreaded “F” word:  Feelings.  *shudder*  

If you think about it, isn’t this the same reason some girls are sexual sluts?   It’s so easy to be slutty with someone, but the other stuff, the relationship stuff, is hard.  It takes work.  And I don’t know about you, but I am pretty fucking tired.  So, if we hammer them with unwanted information, they will run like hell and we can justify our insecurities by telling ourselves “See?  He didn’t like me either.  Forever alone.”   And we “don’t know why.”  You do now.  You were an emotional slut.  You sabotaged it yourself because you are insecure.

Try opening your ears and closing your lips for a minute.  Wait to hear what he has to say before you railroad him with all your baggage.   Learn how to accept a compliment.   Maybe, just MAYBE he’s not an asshole who is waiting to hurt you and run like hell.

Maybe he…likes you. 

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